A hard day to be single

Most of the time, I like being single. Sure, there are things about it that are challenging, but there are also things that I would miss if I were in a relationship. And I know that while marriage has it blessings, it also has its challenges. Obviously I can’t have it both ways. Nights like tonight, the conversation is hard. I ask, “Jesus, how much longer? I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” The answer always seems to be, “Just a little longer.” Is there ever going to be a time when He says, “Here he is!”? It’s when I hit rock bottom that I ask, “What in the world is the Lord waiting for?! What more do I need to do or be to find someone?”
But I know that is a slippery slope. Of course I have issues, things the Lord is working out in my life; and there is more of the Lord that He wants to give me as I wait. I know marriage is a gift of grace, one I don’t have to earn or merit. Singleness is a gift, too, though at times like this it doesn’t feel like it. Am I allowed to feel sad over being single sometimes? Am I disrespecting the gift of God to me in singleness by longing for marriage? Am I telling God that His provision for me is not enough?
But God Himself said, “It is not good for man to be alone,” and created a helpmeet for him. I don’t think it is wrong of me to desire marriage as long as it doesn’t become a demand, as long as I don’t think it is my right and God isn’t being fair by withholding it from me. As long as my momentary sadness doesn’t descend into self-pity. As long as brokenheartedness doesn’t become bitterness.
My hope can never be in God’s answer being, “Finally, here he is.” My hope must always be in the cross of Christ. My hope is in His perfect sovereignty and provision for me: either He will provide a mate who will come alongside of me and help me be the woman I need to be for God’s glory, or He will give me all that I need to honor and glorify Him in contentment in my singleness.
All to Jesus, I surrender, so His name is great. If Jesus’ name is lifted higher by me in my singleness then I surrender and embrace it for Christ’s sake.

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