A hard day to be single

Most of the time, I like being single. Sure, there are things about it that are challenging, but there are also things that I would miss if I were in a relationship. And I know that while marriage has it blessings, it also has its challenges. Obviously I can’t have it both ways. Nights like tonight, the conversation is hard. I ask, “Jesus, how much longer? I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” The answer always seems to be, “Just a little longer.” Is there ever going to be a time when He says, “Here he is!”? It’s when I hit rock bottom that I ask, “What in the world is the Lord waiting for?! What more do I need to do or be to find someone?”
But I know that is a slippery slope. Of course I have issues, things the Lord is working out in my life; and there is more of the Lord that He wants to give me as I wait. I know marriage is a gift of grace, one I don’t have to earn or merit. Singleness is a gift, too, though at times like this it doesn’t feel like it. Am I allowed to feel sad over being single sometimes? Am I disrespecting the gift of God to me in singleness by longing for marriage? Am I telling God that His provision for me is not enough?
But God Himself said, “It is not good for man to be alone,” and created a helpmeet for him. I don’t think it is wrong of me to desire marriage as long as it doesn’t become a demand, as long as I don’t think it is my right and God isn’t being fair by withholding it from me. As long as my momentary sadness doesn’t descend into self-pity. As long as brokenheartedness doesn’t become bitterness.
My hope can never be in God’s answer being, “Finally, here he is.” My hope must always be in the cross of Christ. My hope is in His perfect sovereignty and provision for me: either He will provide a mate who will come alongside of me and help me be the woman I need to be for God’s glory, or He will give me all that I need to honor and glorify Him in contentment in my singleness.
All to Jesus, I surrender, so His name is great. If Jesus’ name is lifted higher by me in my singleness then I surrender and embrace it for Christ’s sake.

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12 thoughts on “A hard day to be single

  1. I think your perspective is real, balanced, and full of grace. You are so wise to cling tightly to God’s Word and seek His will for you life. True joy is there in the midst of all circumstances. When I am faced with a situation or event that leaves me hurt, sad, angry for justice, just plain beside myself – I remind myself that at the end of my road on earth I will be deeply happy and satisfied that in all things I sought God’s will in my life. Thank you for your blog! Christ first always!

  2. Beautiful, Sarah. It blesses my heart to see Jesus working so beautifully in your life, and to see you sharing that and being open and vulnerable. I know that others will be blessed and encouraged by what you have to share.

  3. this is incredibly well written. having the balance of things right is important with everything i think and it sounds like your mindset is right near the center with being satisfied but wanting something more also. And I can’t reply without also saying…guys must be idiots, it’s RIDICULOUS that a gorgeous confident kind person isn’t being fought over.

  4. I think you have answered your own questions well, but here are my two cents to affirm your answers:
    “Am I allowed to feel sad over being single sometimes?” – Yes, you are allowed. It is quite normal and much better to allow yourself to feel it sometimes, have a good cry, talk to the Lord about it, and let Him comfort you, than to try to pretend you don’t have those feelings.
    “Am I disrespecting the gift of God to me in singleness by longing for marriage?” – No, you would be disrespecting it if you don’t use it for His glory or if you did not accept it as a gift, but to long for something good that you would like Him to give you doesn’t necessarily mean that you are discounting the good He has given.
    “Am I telling God that His provision for me is not enough?” – No. It is obvious that you know the greatness of His provision. He knows your heart.
    I wholeheartedly agree with your conclusion “As long as my momentary sadness doesn’t descend into self-pity. As long as brokenheartedness doesn’t become bitterness.” Self-pity and bitterness are real temptations for those of us whole desire marriage but haven’t received it, but thankfulness and trust are sure weapons to fight them off.
    God’s blessing to you.

  5. http://www.onlinepredigt.de/view.php?t=1407&sid=505e013411e7de4448969dc32b9bd92a

    Please listen to this message, its a MUST listen for Christian singles, it will bless you, its raw full of the Holy Spirit, it was preached in Germany so it has interpreter throughout the message, but so amazing …its about a hour and a half long, its the 1st box on the page, download the english wording one. I promise this message will be worth your time.
    God bless! This was my first visit to your blog and. I am now praying for you and your future husband.

    • Thank you for sending on this link! I’ll for sure listen to it. I visited your blog, and I want you to know that you are not the only one. I have also experienced a broken engagement, and it was the most difficult thing I’ve been through. There are so many emotions and questions, and it took me a long time to recover from it. If you ever have any questions or need to talk to someone who’s been through it too, I’m here! Best of luck with your blog!

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